today
Today I got in a massive argument with the product manager in charge of the sales side of our company, because I sent out an idea for an ad product without “going through him.” I didn’t point out to him that if I actually “went through him,” it would probably be like 3 weeks before I got any kind of response to my idea, and that he was being stupid for trying to insert himself between me and the sales team for something as trivial as asking people’s opinions, and that this kind of bureaucracy was something that was wrong with our company in the first place.
The odd thing is that I always thought this dude was one of the most smart people at my workplace, who always just kind of worked and never had to protect their territory in a fucked-up kind of way because they did good work.
So, here are two of my rules for working:
- Never insert yourself into a process just because you think you ought to know about something, if you are just going to end up creating bureacracy and get in the way of getting shit done.
- Nobody - I repeat, nobody - in this world is irreplaceable. That is the New World of Labor in America. What problems that may cause for your own well-being, is your concern. Please act accordingly.
So, in accordance with Rule #2….I am thinking seriously about cashing out and just calling it a day with this place, as I usually think seriously every Friday about this time. Try to get laid off, collect funemployment, sell off the few stock options I have, and then go reinvent myself. Start a new company (well, a very very very small company), a new band, drive cross-country, do whatever. There are so many other things I want to do, and as I approach 30, I ain’t getting any younger.
What I’ve never been able to overcome is actually fear of not knowing where I’m going. This job is really safe and routine. Lots of people think highly (or at least well) of me and my work at my workplace. I’ve always had some of the highest employee review marks in the history of the company. The fools at my company are like my co-stars in a permanent sitcom that never gets canceled.
I work, and sometimes I goof off, and every two weeks, I get a pretty nice amount of money deposited in my checking account. That regularity has recently allowed me the freedom to reasonably buy whatever I want. New Playstation 2 game? Sure. Trip to Vegas at the last minute? Bust. Buy a house? Well, not in L.A. Even if I could afford it, shit’s way too expensive for what you get.
There are probably about 10,000 people who would gladly have the job that I have now, and would do it with a daily smile and without bitching in their blog. Probably a few of them can do it way better than I can, and a lot more can do at least the same as I. And after that, there are a lot of people I know who are unemployed and struggling to get by, or some who are working a lot harder in jobs that pay a lot less than mine.
My parents have always valued having steady employment. I think they may actually be pretty proud of me, even though I don’t think they understand exactly what it is that I do. If I took a leap off into the unknown, I’m not sure they’d understand, and that would suck.
I’ve been broke before, and I resolved to myself that I’d never want to be in that situation again. But, despite the fact that I have a lot less real-world problems, I can’t say that I’m any happier now than I was before. Besides the fact that I can pseudo-buy myself to happiness, which I actually do not do all that much.
Bitch, bitch, bitch. I should just shut up and be thankful for what I have, no?
All of this reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends, who said to me, “You pretty much just need a little cocksucking now and then, don’t you?” She was probably more right than anyone’s ever been about me, and it’s pretty painful to admit it.